Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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