Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
