Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
and you fell through a lawn chair
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