It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
