I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
