Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
