If that was your dad, he is hot
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's the barista slut.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
