go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
