Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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