Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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