I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
