Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
