when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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