just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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