oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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