i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
