sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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