Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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