Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize