you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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