Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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