We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize