Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
