idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
