the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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