Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
