I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
