PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
