4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
