tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I forget how to act sober
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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