my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm always down for nudity.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
