Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
