drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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