She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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