Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
