Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
