I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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