For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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