is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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