He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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