There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
