I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
barbara walters just said penis...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
