Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
