Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
