We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am available for nakedness
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize