Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
