y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
