a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize