Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
