:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
