But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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