When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize