so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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