The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize