rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
