worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
