Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
