So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize