I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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