so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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