i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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