At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize