You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
