Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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