just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
