Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize