She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
