there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
