I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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