Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
