I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
