I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
