They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
