I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize