This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didn't notice because vodka
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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