Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
