And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
