I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
