well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize