My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize