I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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