I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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