He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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