We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
