I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
