I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
