mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
