i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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