i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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