There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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