If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
