dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
