I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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