Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
