Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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