I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
3pm strippers are depressing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
