nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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