Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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