My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
