I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love accidental penises.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
