So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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