I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
