:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
