im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
