Please, let me fuck your mom
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
