I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
4 words: hood of his car
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
