she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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