Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
